PHOENIX, Ariz. — Kurt Warner, he of cyborg-like accuracy and pious dignity, called it a career after 40 five years in the desert and 12 in the NFL.
The 38-year old quarterback called a presser to announce his retirement from football and the sport at which he never chose to give up, no matter how long the odds. Read the rest of this post »
MINNEAPOLIS – It’s been widely speculated that this winter, one of the coldest on record, has caused citizens of the Canadian Shield, Northeast and our nation’s heartland to become enraged.
Now, we see visual evidence of the toll this winter’s taken on our nation’s fragile psyche.
Thousands of protesters stormed a residential park just outside the Twin Cities Thursday afternoon to rally in support of global warming and wage war against continued eco-friendly legislation. Read the rest of this post »
The fall semester of this course was so immensely popular, we decided to offer it again in the spring. We hope you find this batch as entertaining and educational as a stroll through a moonlit alley. Read the rest of this post »
WASHINGTON – Senate Democrats passed legislation Thursday to permit the government to write a check for $1.9 trillion of money that doesn’t yet exist.
The measure puts the projected national debt total at $14.3 trillion, or roughly the equivalent of the gross aggregate of all the money everyone in the United States will earn this year pre-tax.
But don’t you fret … there’s a calculated method to the monetary madness. The U.S. Government has a fool-proof plan to dig us out of debt quickly: By 2013, we’ll have printed enough fake paper value to purchase the sun. Read the rest of this post »
I’m glad you asked, son.
See, as you grow older, there’s going to be kids out there who will pressure you into different things, like stealing candy bars, recreational cocaine abuse and European electro-pop. You listen to none of that noise; your ol’ man knows what he’s talkin’ about.
One thing the kids will try and make ya do, after you go to college and become old enough, of course – but probably before that – is drinkin’ beers. [*pops a bottle of Magic Hat #9*]
Toyota suspended U.S. sales of its many, many popular vehicle models – including the Camry, the best-selling car in America.
The suspension comes as a result of some gas pedals are stickier than a used condom after honeycomb penetration, causing the cars to accelerate without warning – leading to improv drag races and the occasional crash or nine. Read the rest of this post »
Oh, hey, didn’t see you there. I’ve been crunching some numbers here at the number-crunching factory. It’s something to do before the Adderall wears off and I’m back to merely mortal mental prowess again.
So, while you were busy probably out canoodling with members of the opposite sex – or maybe same sex … I don’t judge – I stayed in and sipped slowly from a simmering hot cocoa while shifting and weaving my way through an Excel spreadsheet.
Endless Parade: Where Nerd Happens.
Another year in the books, and it’s time to put a bow on this biyatch.
Life overall isn’t that much different for us at the dawn of ‘10 (*really? We’ll one day say, “Back in ‘10?” Sounds wrong. So does oh-10.) than it was at the dawn of ‘09 … but let’s proceed with some end of year awards anyway.
Of course, any time you think of us, you think of inside jokes, running gags and zany one-liners. Also: crazy stories. So, we’ve tidied it up by listing them all here and giving you a Top 25 of the best the year had to offer.
Three parts. This is the final installment. The best of and brighest. Ready? OKAY! Read the rest of this post »
Another year in the books, and it’s time to put a bow on this biyatch.
Life overall isn’t that much different for us at the dawn of ‘10 (*really? We’ll one day say, “Back in ‘10?” Sounds wrong. So does oh-10.) than it was at the dawn of ‘09 … but let’s proceed with some end of year awards anyway.
Of course, any time you think of us, you think of inside jokes, running gags and zany one-liners. Also: crazy stories. So, we’ve tidied it up by listing them all here and giving you a Top 25 of the best the year had to offer.
Three parts. This is part deux. The best of what didn’t make the Top 25. Ready? OKAY! Read the rest of this post »
Another year in the books, and it’s time to put a bow on this biyatch.
Life overall isn’t that much different for us at the dawn of ‘10 (*really? We’ll one day say, “Back in ‘10?” Sounds wrong. So does oh-10.) than it was at the dawn of ‘09 … but let’s proceed with some end of year awards anyway.
Of course, any time you think of us, you think of inside jokes, running gags and zany one-liners. Also: crazy stories. So, we’ve tidied it up by listing them all here and giving you a Top 25 of the best the year had to offer.
Three parts. Ready? OKAY!
