Endless Parade

The fall semester of this course was so immensely popular, we decided to offer it again in the spring. We hope you find this batch as entertaining and educational as a stroll through a moonlit alley.

At least once, you’ll make yourself late for work searching for your first set of keys while your spare set is hanging by the front door.

Everyone’s got one, so somebody really needs to come up with an accurately descriptive name for “that drawer in the kitchen with all the shit in it that doesn’t actually belong in the kitchen.”

What you find offensive today will likely be fashionable in five years, widespread in 10 and classic in 25.

When a girl says, “I don’t know, babe, it’s up to you” she really means, “It’s not up to you, I’m just checking to make sure you still have a working set of balls.”

The fine line between insanity and genius can be made clear by the answer to one simple question: Can this turn a profit?

All reasonably attractive women with a burning passion for sports are married by age 26. All reasonably attractive men without a burning passion for sports are probably in a commercially unsuccessful art-rock band by the same age.

Comedians are the biggest rip-off in entertainment. Save the $20. Buy your own bottle of vodka and invite your best friends over. You’ll laugh the same amount without having to pay a cover charge.

When people tell you, “Think for yourself!” They really want you to think more like they would, and less like whoever you currently think like.

The vast majority of people will irreversibly make up their mind about you within 15 seconds. However, for every additional second it takes, multiply that number by 10. That’s how long it will take you to effectively change their mind.

You can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but you can probably assess with great accuracy it’s target demographic and whether you’re in it.

Only those who die young retain their beauty. The rest of us have to work on racing to develop a personality before the hard-wiring of our minds prevents us from doing so.

Ironically and literally are ironically the two most overused adverbs in the English language, literally.

On Facebook, everyone looks like they’re having more fun and achieving more success than you. Though they probably are … don’t worry about it. Just get really good at Photoshop.

Nearly every woman claims to still love at least one of their exes. Nearly every man claims to still want to make love to one of theirs. Ironically, these love interests literally never match.

The terrorists will always win if they’re willing to die for their beliefs. The civilized world can’t compete with that kind of passion. The playoffs are next week.

The hardest part in life isn’t finding success – it’s about remembering where you put it.

With each new improvement in communication technology, the durability of fame and power erode exponentially.

Men spend the rest of their lives trying to return to a place they spent the first nine months trying to leave.